There has been a song that has been going through my head for the past week and a half. The chorus goes like this:
“I’ve got miracles on miracles
A million little miracles
Yeah, miracles on miracles
Count your miracles, 1-2-3-4
I can’t even count ‘em all”
It is a song by Elevation Worship and Maverick City music. Honestly I have been so confused why it has been in my head until I realized that it was one of God’s million little miracles. Let me see if I can explain myself.
You might have heard someone with Lyme disease mention that it is a journey. We have been told that way to many times to count, “Wow! Lyme disease, that will be a journey!” and it is. At the beginning to middle of June, Kevin was doing SO well! He biked 17km one day and 9km another day that same week. We were talking about him being able to start going back to work part days. He was feeling so much better physically, and mentally, and then something happened.
We don’t really know what happened but he took a drastic turn for the worse. The first couple days were not so bad, he always has some bad days but as the days turned into weeks the despair started to sink in. There was no immediate thing we could pin point as to why the crash, no easy explanation or easy adjustment like sometimes in the past. No new Lyme fighting supplements. No new introductions of food. No environmental allergies (in fact those were getting better as he declined). But just simply an unexplained crash.
“There are good days and bad days”, “It is an up and down journey”, you may hear me say these statements when you ask me how things are going, mainly because I have no idea how to tell you how it is going. Some days I can feel and see all of God’s million little miracles but some days I am crying out to him wondering why me? Why us? Why this? Why does there have to be such huge set backs? And why can’t it just be an upward climb?
The second verse of that song says:
“I’ve got some blessings that I don’t deserve
I’ve got some scars but that’s how you learn
It’s nothing short of a miracle I’m here
I think it over and it doesn’t make sense”
Here are some of the conclusions that I have made in the last month.
God loves us, even when it is hard to see it. He is holding us and giving us the breath and strength to go on, even when we do not recognize that it is Him.
God uses our experiences to make us into better human beings. Once we have experienced life out side of the normal, there is more compassion, love, and forgiveness towards others in the everyday life.
God uses trials to prepare us for a future of His planning. Even in the despair and asking God why, I knew the answer all along. “I am using this to prepare you for the future” is always God’s reply. I have no idea what that future is but it excites me.
God wants us to always remember him and sometimes it takes making us weak to remember we need him. Humans have very short memories, or at least I do just as the Israelite children did.
The last verse of the song goes like this:
“You held me steady so I wouldn’t give up
You opened doors that nobody could shut
I hope I never get over what you’ve done
I wanna live with an open heart
I wanna live like I know who you are
I hope I never get over what you’ve done
It’s not coincidence and it’s not luck
I know it comes from above”
I want this to be my constant prayer going forward.
The last week Kevin began to feel stronger and have some more good days. The week was busy with events and he even managed to play a bit of volley ball with some people from our church on Saturday night. This week has started off with a bit of a downturn again.
God continues to bless us with miracles, I am just trying to learn to be content with the small miracles and recognizing them instead of always looking and wishing for only the big ones.
*Click here to listen to the song Million Little Miracles by Elevation Worship & Maverick City on YouTube.
PS. I am sorry that I have not been posting on here as much. I started a new full time job the same week we moved so I have been feeling a little busy! I am hoping that as we fall into more of a rhythm I will be able to post here more often again. I do hope to get back to once a week eventually. Thank you for all your prayers and continued support.
